Straight away, I knew you were a dreamer like me. You liked to see nothing but good in everybody. There wasn’t a thought you couldn’t lend a smile to. A smile you couldn’t add brilliance to. A joy you couldn’t add wings to. But you were too good. Too brilliant for a single soul to absorb. Too free. Too spirited to remain bound to a single heart perpetually.

You completed me. Better than anything ever. It was me that didn’t fit. It was me that was wrong. And the same light that fell so gracefully upon hearts to strengthen them, imbued with compassion, yet shattered mine to bits.

But maybe that’s the way it was meant to be.


I’ve lost myself. That bit I’d found anyway. Definetly, Maybe that bit was wrong. Maybe the world was right when I refused to listen. When it tried to pull me back from the terra incognita. But I was half-mad, raving about like a lunatic, knowing there was no cure but to go on. Onwards through everything sweet and coy. Everything bitter and turbid.

 Who do you run to? I know the answer. Its not you. Its not a single one of you. It’ll never be anyone of you.

I Run To You

You’re still a voice you know. Just a vision in a dream. A mystic presence on Angel’s wings. The light from a far off star, leading me through the blackness of the night. But I’m listening. I’m learning. Learning to take some of the colours you radiate and paint them on that visage of you my imagination’s formed. Fill them in over the black and white. Add shadows where no light falls. Curves, where I know you’ll bend. Firm lines where you’re the strongest. Your Caramel-tinted eyes.

It’s risky business, I know. Quite unlike anything I’ve ever done before. Part of me’s still surprised why it took to you so readily. Part of me wants more. More than you’re prepared to give.

How foolish I sound with every wishful word! How you must pity me. A fool, you say! A fool in love. There aren’t any guarantees! Nothing’s fair at all! It’s just the joy of new found love! How easily you’ve fallen for this damsel, you say. But my smile knows a secret yours never will. My heart bursts into song. A Phoenix’s song. Not a sound you’ve ever heard before.

But I don’t really need you to speak. Your presence is all that matters. All I could want is to lie back with you on the warm grass. Watch the sun rise. Follow it across the sky. Watch it set softly in its crimson bed of joy. Watch the stars light up the sky. While the brightest of them is by my side.


I write like
Charles Dickens
I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

P.S. Got James Joyce the second time. I prefer him. =P

Poor man must've turned a summer-sault in his grave. =D
I like quills though.

Analyzer stolen from Life Happens.


"You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it"

If only you had any idea of the way you hurt me. How its like a stake through the heart whenever my eyes fall on those little tokens of love you've scattered all around. How the pain consumes me as each fresh glance is a twist of the dagger. How a part of me dies...each time I have to walk past, knowing it with all my heart to be wrong. Would you listen to my wounded cries? Would you look past the hurt in my eyes and feel my pain? Like a soul writhing in anguish before its last breath, I wish I could rip you off before I die.

The Blindmen and the Elephant

It was six men of Hindostan
 To learning much inclined,
Who went to see the Elephant
 (Though all of them were blind),
That each by observation
 Might satisfy his mind.


So oft in theologic wars,
The disputants, I ween,
Rail on in utter ignorance
Of what each other mean,
And prate about an Elephant
Not one of them has seen!

Suddenly remembered this poem out of nowhere, given the mayhem my thoughts are in these days.

What the?!!

Paranoid Personality Disorder:Moderate
Schizoid Personality Disorder:Very High
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:Moderate
Antisocial Personality Disorder:Low
Borderline Personality Disorder:Low
Histrionic Personality Disorder:High
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:High
Avoidant Personality Disorder:Moderate
Dependent Personality Disorder:Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:Low

-- Take the Personality Disorder Test --

O and I passed. :D 
520, Alhamdolillah! 
Not bad, if I may say so myself.
(if its a dream, don't wake me up)
Thanks to everybody who prayed!
Yipppppeeeee! :)

Two Score

Me: Supply aagai to kia karon ga?
M1: Chilla kashi karo gay, aur kia.

Whereby I pleasently reminded her that she was the one who burst into tears duirng/after viva's. And she flew at me with her razor sharp new attitude coming from her latest bout of turning the tap loose in front of an examiner named Mustansar Billa. Yes, that's his real name.

I told her she was mad and for proof I showed her this message I'd come across while going through her phone. (hey, don't judge me! An ever constant source of amusement, it is).
"Yaar tumhare paas pregnant uterus hai?"

Apparently the next day, her batch also bagged the long slides with war-cries of  "my rectum!", "my testis!" and "my prostate!". Much to the the bewilderment of the lab attendants, me thinks.

Who said Histology was boring? Never a dull moment.

Rock Wars

Just in.
Apparently, I'm Stan in this WDIOTic post. Or so Slim says.
"You have enemies? Good, that means you stood up for something!"
What he forgot was that Slim killed Stan.
Or did he?

Sorry if this doesn't make any sense. Cause it just doesn't :P


The excitement that comes with sudden inspiration. The eagerness in your fingers as they pause over the keys, in the instant it takes your brain to form the words your lips speak, your ears hear, your mind comprehends.
You smile.
It’s the smile of understanding.
As in finding something, lost long ago.
Like something that could turn the world
The other way around.

Yet you dare not pause, Lest the magic should run out.
Your breath comes in gasps. You’re half-crying now.
Suddenly you’re confused.
It doesn’t make any sense!
Should you believe it anyway?
Is it wrong? It can’t be!
What should you do?
You screw up your eyes.
Trying to remember. Where you went wrong.
You swallow the lump in your throat.
Listen to your harried breath.
Your eyes dart here and there.

Then you don’t get to…

“You rub your hands in glee.
A shiver of thrill runs down your spine.
And then it’s gone.
And you breathe,
A sudden sigh of relief.”

And the end is like the beginning.
You’re left unsure it even happened.
But gradually,
You believe.

New Crazes

How I wasted today:

That's all. :)

Viva’s Galore


Enter the HOD. Or me really.
Jee Daac Sb! Daac Sb, you’re foreigner? No sir. Kidhar se hain? Rabwah Sir. Achaa Dr. Sb Rabwah kay loag to bohat intelligent hotay hain. Wahan Darul-Rahmat Gharbi 6/6 men mera aik dost Matiullah Cheema rehta tha…usay jaantay hain aap? No sir. Han to jaante bhi kaisay…wo to faut ho gya hai. Acha Mera batcha…enzymes ki classification sunao. To beta ye CPK kya hota hai…answered. Dr Sb. aap doctor ki aulaad to nahin? Yes sir. Haaaan….Kahan se graduate kiya Abbu nay? Allama Iqbal, Sir. Phir to meray class fellow hon gay, konsa batch? 80’s something sir. Han mera batcha…unko mera naam lena…wo mujhay jaantay hongay. Bulkay tum unko phone milao…han abhi milao.

On the phone:
Jee Daac Sb….main ne aap ko to aawaaaz se hi pehchan liya hai…kya haal hain aaap kay?? aaap ka batch konsa tha (86)…Acha mera batch 84 tha…wo Matiullah ki Sunaain? -long boring discussion of old fellows- *credit running out, credit running out!*  Acchaa, dr. Saab ye aap ka Ullo ka patha meray saamnay betha hai, issay kuch nahi aaata per main pass kar raha hon, issay…Ok daac Sb. Fee amaanallah.

And that was my viva.

What do I have to show for it? Three plus signs in front of my roll number. Heh. (weird grading system).

Sorry, Just felt like gloating a little :P
Wish the others had been this easy.
O and the look on people's faces. :D Hah.

PS- FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDUMMMMMM!!! :D *does a silly little jig of joy*


Hey all.
Thought I'd died and gone to heaven?
Turns out I'm still here.
Watever. Yay me.

Exams are half done with. Still have the Viva's and practicals. Will take about a week.
And then freedom!
Fudging, effin freedom.

Note much of a post.
Just to show I'm alive.
I'll finish off by writng something stupid like "to infinity and beyond!"
Cause madness has trangressed in my favour.
We're all mad anyway.
Blame it on the Koalas.

Oh and thats the date today.


Your Halloween Costume Should Be Jesus

Eerily, that fits somehow!

And that's when I answered:
"Freak out everyone so much that they're left wondering if you're acting or not."

One Giant Leap

I honestly don’t know what’s come over me. I mean with the Professional less than 11 days away now, you’d think I’d stick to the sleeping with my books phase, right? Gotta love the magic of passive diffusion.

Anyway, the point is I can’t study. I know I shouldn’t have left Lahore. Everything’s crazy at home as usual. I only did come here cause J.Jay has her send ups right now and we were planning on doing the physio and biochem together. But she, as usual is just maddeningly unhelpful. So I’m still at ground zero with hardly enough fuel to even break the stratosphere (where did that come from?) Okay here’s the part where I freak out. Eeeeek!!!!!!!!!!!!! (shoot - that came out very girlish-like).

Not that I haven’t been studying. I am studying. Scouts honour! I know what Acetyl Choline is. She’s a vibrant shade of black. (that’s not right, is it?) I know that Guyton was a messed up guy whose parrot talked back to him and he just jotted it all down (he had motor aphasia, couldn’t speak himself, the parrot on the other hand had a huge wernick’s area). B.D. Churasia was just evil who tried to do a Reader’s Digest version of I am Churasia’s body but wound writing up something like war and peace (and I swear its in Russian too). The Lippincot brothers were always high on LSD when they dreamed up all those impossible reactions that involve a couple hundred enzymes with names like kalases, dogerases, punch-you-in-the-face-es, and just-cram-it-all-in-ases. Fudge all that, I say! We should sequence cockroach genes.

“Man is a narcissistic species by nature. We have colonized the four corners of our tiny planet. But we are not the pinnacle of so-called evolution. That honor belongs to the lowly cockroach.”

And this is probably not making any sense to you at all.

Take today for instance. After waking in the early hours of the evening just as the sun had tip toed across the median plane in the heavens, (I’m a night person myself) I might have turned a page or too of Snell out of sheer boredom before my wee little cousins from up above arrived and started causing such mayhem, the little buggers nearly made me have fun! (we played red Indians) But that was before in a noble gesture to force me to study, I was roughly locked inside a room with only Mr. Oral Biology for company (they shoved in some cockroach cluster through the cat flap every few hours).

Oh and all my technological privileges have been snapped till the Prof., hence the radio silence. But if you’re reading this, it means Hedwig did a good job. Go girl!

Ps-First paper of Anatomy on the 15th. I have to watch that movie on HBO that night that has Katherine Hegel in it. And that whats-his-name guy from P.S. ILY. Butler something.

Pps- Heard someone in class even has a birthday on the 15th. Poor kid.

Oh and M2’s birthday’s on the 10th. We’re gonna wish her at 10:10:10 on 10-10-10. Cool, no? :D

Ppps- I just started watching Heroes again. The title’s the third episode.

Pppps- please pray I pass the Prof. Pretty please? :D I’ll let ya all borrow my firebolt! (not the invisibility cloak, I need that for the Prof…don’t ask why…idk).

Toodles then.


"We all think we're going to be great. And we feel robbed when our expectations aren't met. But sometimes our expectations sell us short. Sometimes, the expected pales in comparison to the unexpected. You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the unexpected is just what keeps us steady...standing...still.

The expected is just the beginning. The unexpected is what changes our lives."

Joe Bloggs

Today was the anatomy send-up. Which I didn't bother studying for in the least, except on the 2 hour trip back this morning. Needless to say, I'm expecting a Troll.

I was giving the paper and there was this skeleton in a glass case just outside the room. And it had this evil look, you know?

M1 woke up me up this morning and I was sleeping with my head on the histology atlas. And she was like, "And how'dya expect to learn all this? Osmosis?"
I don't know where she picked that up :)

My seniors at K.E. They want to go to China after the Profs. Dunno Why :s And they're telling me to come along or else =p So its all about China right now. They're even mapping out routes. I think I'll go if I flunk. Tsk tsk. So much on line! Hey maybe we'll meet Jackie Chan! Maybe he can teach me some moves. Cool XD

Here's a random fact: A leech has 32 brains. And this has got to be painfull:
Leeches are hermaphrodites, meaning each one of them has both female and male reproductive organs. Leeches reproduce by reciprocal fertilization, and sperm transfer occurs during copulation. The leech exercising the role of the male will grow a sperm sack near the end of its tail, and the leech playing the female will bite it off *horror*, thus reproducing.
Ouch, No? :D Okay, just a bit gross too. :)

ps - I'm not Joe...its what the British call their John Does. hahahaha :)

The Crooked Colours

No matter how hard you look, relationships everywhere are being dealt with like business. Gone is the once so common sincerity and vitality of emotions that was all you needed to get by in life, which makes you wonder if it ever even existed, to be replaced by something so crude, so almost has a sense of beauty to it !

Which is why you stop and stare at the ugly face of this horror, not privy to the repulsion arising inside you that is only just masking the sense of beauty and awe it reflects. And the more you look upon it, the less wretched it seems...till at last your eyes see only what your mind wants them to see.

And then right there is where you've converted. Gone over to the dark side if you like.

You Paint the World with Deep Colors

You are a true individual. You are very unique.

Your friends can count on you to be expressive. You're never at a loss for words.

You are a truly warm person ... though sometimes you can be a bit selfish.

You are keyed into your emotions and easily moved. You are quite sensitive.

Eid-o-chronicle I

Went to Namaz. Met many people there. Came back home. Updated Status. Talked to some long lost friends. Ate some chaat. And vermicelli. Watched some Grey’s Anatomy. Ate some more chaat. Went and buggered M1 about the Moon :D She didn’t take the bait. :p Listened to sad love songs. Mom’s in the kitchen. She’s making kheer. Thought about what I usually do at Eid. Didn’t work. Went and shot some hoops. Went to my neighbour’s place. He wasn’t home =\ Everyone’s out of city.

I need to learn Karate. I’m good on my feet.

N’s found some spray paint. We’re gonna chrome up the car.

Dad’s calling people up. Wishing em Eid.

Nani Ami’s with us this eid. Her first eid alone. =/

Have a party to go to tonight. It’ll be fun. I know it.

Too many scents in the air. Makes breathing difficult.

Just gave directions to someone for our home. So gotta go now. They’ll be here soon.

Bye then bloggers! And EID MUBARIK 
Today was hectic. Or yesterday now. Which reminds me that I’ve been awake for more than 27 hours now. Yesterday was the brain stage you see. And that’s the major reason for any insomnia.

Neuro-anatomy was a strange experience. Before, the Head & Neck was interesting, but a bit dry. There was no mystery. No fear of the unknown. No point where you wondered what would happen if things had happened differently. Nothing that couldn’t be reversed to a great extent.

But enter the cranial cavity and it’s a whole different story. There is exhilaration as you piece together the way you think. The way you walk, the way you talk, the way you live your life. Clues scattered everywhere, that lead to a trail, which disappears deep into the forest. Only the brave dare follow.

It’s so full of feelings for instance. All the explanations of everything people do, the reasons behind the drive of life. The basic urges, the emotions, the reactions. And it all morphs into a very beautiful little being that we all are. But once again you’re reminded of the fragility of the body, and within it, the mind. Suddenly everything seems so breakable. So many things seem probable to go wrong. Danger lurks around every corner. A feeling of insecurity grips you as you feel helpless in the face of the monster that is not nature, but manmade. The world was so much simpler when the only vegetables you knew were the ones you could eat.

On the way back home, I was surrounded by babies. It felt like a mini-baby shower. Babies are toxic. They make you smile. They make you fling non-sense right back at them. They make you draw your muscles of facial expression derived from the 2nd pharyngeal arch and innervated by the 7th Cranial or Facial Nerve, into every possible ridiculous manner, all to lock those smiles.

I’m rambling again.

There was a huge man who sat quietly in the corner. He looked a bit like this.

Too bad he didn’t have a Leia on a chain.

Oh and I passed the stage. 60. J.Jay's fuming. :)

Pia Matters

Preparing for the soon-to-be Brain Stage:

Wish they could've seen famous Harry Potter today. Wandering lost in the chamber of horror (read dissection hall) with brains floating all around that yearned to wrap their tentacles around him while he struggled to spot anything at all.
Let alone golden snitches with wings.
Blank page that ate me up.
So all I write is this.
I'm wasted now
There's no more flux
I'll be back when there is spring.

I'll leave you well,
with things unsaid
and best left that way
cause I ain't makin any sense
but you listen so good!
I wanna say it again.
I'll be back when there is rain.

Gotta go now bloggie
be safe, be happy
and get lots of readers
and comments so many
they make me smile again :)
Come summer
come winter
I'll be back again :D

Wherein Lies Beauty.

I see each rectus contacting, the trochlea pulling, the pupils widening, the humour flowing - the discs glowing. I look into your eyes. I see love. Right there between the orbital fissures. Plastered on the conjunctiva for all to see. Through the optic canal is my passage to your mind. Your Iris drowns me in colour as I flow through your rainbow. Your pupil hangs me like a doll. Your retina catches me in the net that branches with my love for you. And when our eyes connect, its like a jolt of thunder that tingles down my spine. And then we smile.

And I am no more, the beast.

Rant x Rant = Rant-a-Tant

"For certain, you have to be lost to find a place as can't be found. 
Elseways, anyone could find it."

So its official. I've passed the dreaded stage and i'm not too proud of it.
Infact, I don't even want to think about it.

There is an amazing feeling of being disconnected from most of the people around me. They just don't think like I do. They certainly don't act like me either. And that's not in just a thing or two. It's like they really are from another planet. Which grimly leads to the conclusion that either I'm raving mad or else they've all gone barmy. And I wouldn't vote for me.

"Allow me to lend a machete to your intellectual thicket."

There is the question of talking for instance. People talk about stupid, strange things all the time. Me. I'd rather keep my thoughts to myself. Unless there is a use for me opening my stupid mouth and spilling beans of all colours everywhere. Not to mention showing my girdled smile.

And its amazing because it helps me keep perspective (or at least I like to think so). While they go on about non-senseless bat shit, I observe them and mock their stupid selves for being so dependent upon paltry things like talk. Empty pots. Loud mouths. They talk cause they're afraid of being left out. But what do you do when you're literally pushed out?

Then there is cricket. For the last time. The only cricket that is interesting is the one that you play yourself.  Which doesn't necessarily have to be in the open field right underneath the summer sun with sweat rolling off you in torrents. And I'm certainly not interested in conspiracy theories about Wasim Akram and how he pulled W. Younus off the band-wagon too, how many times the Aussies've won that shiny little trophy or that Muhammad Amir is gay.
That would only mean he's going to get faster, wouldn't it?

My Mamo (mums's little brother) just got engaged. To whom? I nearly doubled up with laughter when I heard that my 'MumanI' (wait for it) was my senior from De'mont! Imagine that! Ah well. She goes on my list of inside sources to the dreaded institution.

I helped a blind man cross the street today.

Roza's do strange things to me. And they make me dream vivid. Even the dream diary refuses to believe after you write that in your latest gest you were exchanging wedding vows with Kiera Knightley while cannon balls swooshed past your ear as you fought off un-dead pirates and all the while...

In the middle of the dramatic battle...
Sajeel: Elizabeth! [fights, grabs Elizabeth] Elizabeth, will you marry me?
She stares at him for a moment. Then they fight off some people.
Elizabeth: I don't think now's the best time.
They fight some more people.
Sajeel: Now may be the only time.
They fight yet some more people.
Sajeel: I love you. [fighting] I've made my choice. What's yours?
Elizabeth: Barbossa, marry us!
Barbossa: [while fending off someone] I'm a little busy at the moment!

Weird. No?

Time to go. Toodles, people.

La La La Laaa La

There is an angry red boil on my nose that has fallen so much in love with my ala that it absolutely refuses to go away. And its been a week.
Now ordinarily, I would've been the least concerned and would probably have bought a wig, stuck a tomato on my nose and shown off my cool juggling skills to the world.

But that was before I read this.
Any infection on your face, such as infection from a pimple or boil in the nostril or on the upper lip or nose, may cause inflammation (swelling) in that area. This is called cellulitis  
From this inflammation, infection may spread to one of the cavernous sinuses. If this happens, the blood in the sinus may turn into an infected clot
Cavernouse sinus thrombosis can be life-threatening and requires immediate treatment.Any infections from this area can cause eye and vision problems, headaches, fever, neck stiffness, etc. It can lead to complications like blindness, paralysis of face, meningitis, sepsis and possibly death.

Possibly death? No No NO! I'm too young to die! :)
But I am a hypochondriac. And I discovered there is even a hypo-chondriac region in the abdomen. See?

So right after those powerful words, strange aches and pains of a hitherto unknown nature started springing up and so after some hasty pathological research which showed my enemy to be Staphylococcus aureus, I swallowed some pills and so Ampiclox is my new bff now.

In other news.
OMG! I just realised I have Medical students' disease! Just like JKJ in three men and a boat. Cool!
Sh*t.That made me forget the other news.
So. The Anatomy Stage. It's not going that well. =/ Hope I pass.

Staphylococcus aureus incidently looks like this. Not bad for a filthy-boil-causing-facultatively aerobic-grampositive-coccus-making-me-take-antibiotics little bacterium, don't ya think? Hmmph.

ps. can't get why i'm ranting on about stupid boils and bacterias and stages and whatnot. bear with me.
pps. I feel like singing today. Don't know why. :D


Got this in an e-mail. Thought i'd share.

Click to Enlarge.
Sorry for it being in Urdu. Didn't get a chance to translate yet.

You Are 78% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.

Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

"The temporal bone. 
Its petrous part. At the apex. 
Which pharyngeal muscle arises from here?"

I knew the answer.
Except that it was slightly off.
The levator veli palatini was certainly a muscle.
Also, it did rise right from the apex of said petrous part of the temporal bone.
It was however, certainly not a muscle of the pharynx.

So after puzzling over it for half a minute, said I didn't know as meekly as possible. (tip from a certain 2nd year student concerning Sir.Jalal given seconds before)  And we moved on. Kept my head down though, like a good boy.

Realization hit later that I might have been half right.
The correct answer was none.
Talk about Irony.

Conquering Oneself?

It is a two-dimensional depiction of a staircase in which the stairs make four 90-degree turns as they ascend or descend yet form a continuous loop, so that a person could climb them forever and never get any higher.

This is clearly impossible in three dimensions; the two-dimensional figure achieves this paradox by distorting perspective.

And that is pretty much my life right now.

'If you want a red rose,' said the Tree, 'you must build it out of music by moonlight, and stain it with your own heart's-blood. You must sing to me with your breast against a thorn. All night long you must sing to me, and the thorn must pierce your heart, and your life-blood must flow into my veins, and become mine.'
Oscar Wilde - The Nightingale and the Rose

Biochem Addles [o]

On trying to explain Faraday's cage to M2:
"...actually they got this idea from the chylomicrons which incidentally have a central hydrophobic lipid core surrounded by a hydrophillic shell of phospholipids with their polar portions on the surface that makes them soluble in aqueous solutions so they smuggle the lipid core along as well which the port authorities really hate but the pirates need the money and so in this case what's on the surface is what really counts while the crux goes along for a free ride and repays the mateys instead by drinking up all their rum. And all it says when confronted is Parley! "
M2: (O_o)?
Me: Oh. My bad.
Things are extremely weird right now.

The momentary sense of direction that had been leading me through the darkness of the ravine, in its soft naphtha wake, has faded away. Almost as if to say, that no. The path you want to choose, you must decide your self. This is about as far as we go together. Or how about knocking on all those doors for once. Just to see what opens up. Just to catch a glimpse of what its really like to be inside. Just to stop you from raving about like a fool. To put life in your heart once again. Or heart in your life maybe. To give that spring to your step. To show you the rewards that lie on the other side of the river. The very river in which lie the crocodiles and serpents that will rip your head off should you dare even approach. Yet all you have to do is cross.


I like twitter trends. Some days back it was Hayley Williams. Right now its Avada Kedavra.

'Knock knock.'
'Who's there?'
'You Know.'
'You Know Who?'
'Yes, haha! AVADA KEDAVRA!'

I'm also liking formspring right now. Asking people stupid questions without being nosy is fun ;)

A girl fainted in class today. Well nearly. She fell down and the professor (physiology) rushed over and everybody was flustered for a moment. I bet no one in my stupid class even knows CPR.
I'm studying ketone bodies right now. There are three of em.
I missed TEDxLahore. It sounded good. Would've loved to go. Technology. Engineering. Design. At least that's what I think it stands for.
incomplete thoughts. scary movies. sad songs. james blunt. same mistake. bloody mosquitos. cockroach cluster. sherbet lemon. fizzing whizbee. invisible posts.
Someone called me head strong today... :s
Its cloudy outside. And windy. Maybe it'll rain. It rained yesterday for 5 minutes ;(
2 months to the Profs. Hell.

ps. my head is eating circles is the translation for "mera sir chakraa raha hai". :D

Hmmm...that's not good, is it? :D

You Are a Contradiction

People accuse you of having a split personality, and it's completely true.

There are two completely different sides to you - as opposite as night and day.

At times, you are highly social and gregarious. But sometimes you can be the biggest loner around.

Sometimes you are serious and studious, but other times you are carefree and wild. You're hard to predict!

Reading For Life...

So I passed the test. The driving test that is. Not the send-up test for my N.E.W.T.s. Cause that hasn't happened yet...they have a penchant to be delayed ever so often  =] I predicted...M failed...horribly. :) Not that it was hard...she just can't drive. :p
She was all boo-hoo on the way back and one of the officers saw her and told the DSP and he called dad and said to meet him next time. Maybe he'll fail her again...but I mustn't get my hopes up...
Now that i've passed, maybe mum n dad will buy me a car...!
This one maybe?

Anyway...we're freed from college early on Mondays, so today i headed off to the reading room. And it turned out that the 2nd year students had a major biochem test coming up so it was absolutely packed! We weren'y givin up so easily though. F and I spotted a mangled chair with its cushions intact, so we dragged it into a corner unceremoniously and sat down to study.

That is till the power went out.

Now bear in mind that this is King Edward we're talking about. A transformer had gone beserk. And though Mayo has more than two direct supplies from the grid... it still took them over an hour to fix it.
The weather was better today though. More clouds, less humidity. Should happen more often :(

F ditched me then. He went off to the hostel where they were premiering their very own version of "Pirates". Don't ask.

2 hours into the fray and the person next to me was begining to smell strongly of Pullao..(M calls it "bridge come"..Pull...Aao..get it? :) and that was when the salivary glands i was trying to study went into overdrive. I sniffed hungrily once or twice and he looked at me kinda strange! And then he produced a lunch box from his desk (filled with Pullao of course) and proceeded to eat it right under my nose.
Needless to say, I had to leave. Or he would've been Pullao-less in a jiffy.

A final survey of the reading room as I left: 25 out of the 40 people there were sleeping. Out of the 15 who were awake, 3 were reading novels; Lord of the rings, The Digital Fortress and Eclipse???!!! (i might be mistaken). The one reading about Gandalf turned it into a pillow seconds join the overwhelming majority. 3 more were surfing face book on their lap tops. while the rest were all fixed in the same position; a book in their lap, both feet on the table, chair reclined, an array of high-lighters in one hand while the other attempted to smooth out the creases forming on their foreheads as they struggled to figure out the mysteries of life.

we should welcome death. 
we should rejoice 
that the person has made it from this world,
living as good a life as can be. 
we should weep 
but our tears should be of joy,
not remorse. 
we should honour them
and the things they did in this world 
and strive to do the same. 

we should welcome death as we welcome the rain. 
we know it'll put a temporary stop to things, 
but we remember the weather before it. 
we remember the last rain like it. 
we watch the rain drops split.
we watch as they journey,
all to the same place.
we know they will rise again

we watch as it descends in sheets and torrents 
leaving everything fresh and nascent.
signifying something greater than just 
something higher than we can comprehend. 
something so elusive, so obscure 
we dare nor pursue as it flashes past 
and leaves us swaying in its wake.


Death and Dying II

Verse, Fame and beauty are intense indeed,

But Death intenser – Death is life's high mead
It was M2's first time in an airplane, ten years back.
"Ami. We're going to meet Dada Abu!
You said he was with Allah Mian...and Allah Mian is in the skies, isn't he?"
What is our death but a night's sleep? 
For as through sleep all weariness and faintness pass away and cease, 
and the powers of the spirit come back again, 
so that in the morning we arise fresh and strong and joyous; 
so at the Last Day we shall rise again as if we had only slept a night, 
and shall be fresh and strong.
Martin Luther

Death is all around us. Even then its strange. Strange in the fact that you can never really be ready for it. And when it has come and gone, you realize there exists a new link. A passage between two worlds. A perpetual shift in time. Suddenly words are no longer necessary. The thoughts dwelling inside the folds of your mind no longer stay unobserved. Everything you think and do can be, and is to them alive.They are alive. And then there's relief. Relief that they know what went into everything you did and did not say.
It even gives the feeling that God is watching as always, and so are they.

My grandfather died this Friday.
"We belong to Allah and to Him we shall return."

Unfinished Business

The last day of the holidays. :(

That’s bad you know. Cause it means the very things I’ve been dreading all summer, are finally here…and I’m not ready. What to do…what to do???  Its so not fair…stages and send ups should be locked up in Moody’s trunk and HAZMAT stickers should be plastered all over it and trolls set to guard it with their life, or boogies rather. Or maybe a sphinx. Or hey hey….Sir Codagan! He’d do the trick all right!
Anywayyy. This is real bad. Suddenly I’m dreading college and all the things with it.

So I took this today.

It’s a glass bell jar kinda thingy I’m holding up to the light and it I thought it looked like an eye…

Oh and M and I’ve got our driving tests tomorrow…and hopefully me=pass of course...M=not so sure…read ‘bout her training sessions, in her own lingo, here ;-)

Angry. Bothered. Crazzzzy. That's my abc.

I like people quite well
At a little distance.
I like to see them passing and passing
And going their own way,
Especially if I see their aloneness alive in them.
Yet I don’t want them to come near.
If they will only leave me alone
I can still have the illusion that there is room enough in the world.



Mama Mia. Here we go again.
And here's what I get up too when I don't feel like writing on my own blog...
Enjoy :D

Mum just made doughnuts...i'm gonna go eat em....:-)

Of Days Gone...

Wrote this before the holidays, which incidentally are coming to a close...I didn’t get to go anywhere this summer... :(

I'm waiting for the holidays,
O i'm waiting so eagerly
i'm thinking of going snorkelling,
or trekking the globe maybe.

I'll take my compass with me,
and let it point the way
perhaps you'll come with me
but perhaps you'd be too scared.

I'd spend my days in bliss,
wandering from place to place
i'd take dozens of pics,
and develop 'em all by hand.

I'd see them pretty places,
and let them soothe my senses
i'd go around the world,
and i'd love it all the more.

And then the signs of wrath,
of calamities struck, disasters befall
and i'd learn the lesson from it all
and then be bad no more.

I'd return a wiser man,
though some may say a fool
"rather a fool to make me happy,
than experience to make me sad."

Awake! Arise!

I’ve been lying on my favorite couch by the window. A pen and paper in my hand I have, and more litter the floor, as I write and tear them off the pad. In the background plays, Abida Parveen’s “Nigah-e-Darwaishaan”.
M calls it my warming up.

I fell asleep right there after those lines. There were plenty more, believe me, but that was just crazy, malignant stuff you couldn’t make head or tail of. Reading that would have been like trying to imagine a plane that flies on solar juice. Possible, but only just. Yet they did it.
Anyways, I seem to be leaning more towards rhyme than reason.
Presented here, the latest:

Arise! Great Spirit! Lay back no more!
Your days of resentment must draw to a close.
The despair in your heart must conquer no more.
Even when all you can see,
Is the sea, but no shore!
Arise! There is news for you paramour!

It’s incomplete cause I got stuck. I still don’t know why I’m going on about nothing. Yet I dare not regress. I’ve taken to writing old fashioned style again. Your basic quill-parchment scenario. Got sick of staring at the screen all day. I’ll speech to text it when I’m done.

What’s In a Number?

2nd July. Dad
4th July. Mum
6th July. Me!

I’ve always liked this sequence of ours. Even if I don’t like birthdays. Not much at all. Especially when it’s mine. And there are certain *people* involved. Scary.
Ah’s not that bad. Everyone’s nice to you for a day. You get cake. And presents.

And another year to subtract from your life…

M2 made me a card.Its great and it kinda says it all. Thanks M. Love it. ;-)

Do you like it??? Shout out to M2 if you do! She’s waiting....;)

She’s written on my shirt…I love bossing people...Hahahahaha. :p And she added a Hogwarts emblem on the back….! In honour ov me getting the potter title at the welcome. Hah!

Can’t write a longer post, have a party to get back to…kidding 

All time High

WARNING: not for the weak hearted....seriously!

Surgery’s always exhilarating.
True, it wasn’t so the first time, which I vaguely remember to have fled when I started feeling woozy, too ashamed to admit it.

Yesterday there was a Maxillofacial Surgeon over from Islamabad. (He did his FCPS from my college too.) He was on volunteer work for two days here at Fazle-Omar Hospital (remembered your stance Alec :) which is run by the Community and provides free treatment to deserving patients. I’d met him before at the AMA convention, courtesy the orthodontist cousin (did I mention the wires on my teeth???), and he added me on Facebook! So he liked some of my work and we kept in touch.

So of I went to the OT! And I’m sorry but I’m gonna have to bore you with details. Patient no.1 had some calcification in his Wharton’s duct (of the sub-mandibular gland) and when he opened it up, it had damaged the gland too, so out it came. Gland excision with sialolithotomy. That’s the official name. Took pictures. Here you go, K.…proof I was indeed there :p (that's me in the blue scrubs).

And here's the gland itself:

The second had huge swelling in the Parotid region. But the procedure was long 4-5 hours at least…so they decided to it today.
And as luck would have it, I had to run back to Lahore today, some last minute issues, so I missed the 2nd surgery!!!  Still, I’ve got the pictures but there is however, a slight problem.

I’m afraid they are just not publishable.

Why not you may then ask?

Because it is interesting, but incredibly gross. Because they literally took half his face off! Just like in the Nicholas Cage movie! I will however show you the down-sized-de-colour-blooded version...

Dad says he was extremely good. You’d understand if ya saw all the pics. Wide excision, partial mandibulectomy with maxillectomy.

I’m so mad I missed out on this! :-(


He wants to cry,
But the tears, they come no more;
Every last drop, has dried up,
And taken with it,
all his hopes.

But cry he shall,
Tears, he’ll make himself.
Turning clear to red,
From living to dead,
Until he bleeds no more.


A license to drive,
To shoot,
To fly.

A license to heal,
To practice law,
A license for everything,
That I’d like to try.

But only one I have,
And I know not how,
How to use it well,
Maybe, this is how.

It’ll come to me,
If myself,
I lose in the flow,
If I breathe no more,
If my eyes,
I close once more,
And dream, and dream,
Till I dream no more.

And when I wake up,
A poetic license,
Would be all I’d need show.

a spur of the moment thingy cause i can't sleep and cause i learned 'bout guns today and cause Mom wouldn't let me drive cause there were too many "bobbies" around...*sigh*

Dunk (O)

I play basketball.
Which is coincidently, the only non-Nintendo sport I’m even remotely good at.
We have lots of courts here in Rabwah. No indoor ones though.

So we were playing and this guy came and drank all our water.
His shirt says TOTAL CONTROL. ;-)
We won a game. And lost one too.

Life’s like a dunk sometimes.
An amazing, crazy, incredible dunk.

When there's a will, there's a way

I begin with the weather. It was very lovely with the rain and all so we decided to hit the road. A sort of working holiday as there was also work to be done. But there was the question of the mob, which we addressed by leaving them at The Lodge (can’t tell what that is now).

Faisalabad isn’t far. Hardly 50 km. But with dad’s driving (which mom can’t stand at all) it took us nearly an hour, though the road was partly to blame. We picked up the passports, went to PMC, PINUM and the education board, and contrary to expectations, were done before we knew it.

Dad had to get back to the hospital by Juma. With everybody on red alert and no cover without him there, so we started back with just a quick stop at metro where I ran into some old friends () and we met M’s anatomy demo.

Our absence, meanwhile was starting to get noticed. It began with the simple “where are you?” s but before long we were being harangued by the mob.

“You people disgust me with your lies. Just like the servant then eh. Just tell us. What can we do about now. You people are in FSD. arent you. Come on. Whats on your mind. Cant think of an excuse. To shut me up.”

And so the storm gathered momentum.

“Everybody knows that you were such big fools to ever leave us here you know you should have taken us. Here you beggin for a second chance we aint gonna let you in yove been runin from the truth nw ure gonna cm bck 2 us.”

And then they started getting wise.
“Hear that?”
“Hear what?”
“You people are so not home. We’ve been callin for ages. Chor ki dari me tinka , sharm ka muqaam!”

I’m thinking it’s safe to say that this, will not work again.