Hugo Obwegeser, describing his first case of sagittal splitting of the ramus under General Anaesthesia, 1956:

'The operation itself was more stressful than I had experienced previously when I had performed it with the patient under local anaesthesia and general sedation. In addition, I had to battle with the anaesthesiologist and my assisting pessimistic chief during the surgery. The former was concerned that I would pull the tube out of the patient's nose by turning her head. 

On the second postoperative day and even more on the third, the girl's face was swollen and blue from bruising so much that I feared serious complications. On the following day, I went to the wonderful Baroque monastery church of Einsiedeln and prayed, and promised I would never do a sagittal splitting again if that girl got away without complications. Finally she had a wonderful result and I became a recidivist, like any sinner, doing many more cases.'

I miss this space.

I want to be able to write out how life's been changing. Been in Flux. With its ups and downs. With no particular direction, and no real clue to what the future holds. I suppose the only way forward is to take things one step at a time and have faith in the powers that be.

twentyfudgingfive to life.

You know how there comes a time when what you decide at that moment has the potential to shape your future? Well, when one of those times was obviously when I got into dentistry. But it feels like that time has come again. And I'm at an absolute loss about what to do. Do I practice general dentistry? Do I work with someone else or open my own clinic? Do I go for the postgraduation hassle? Which specialty do I pick? Where best do I train in that specialty from? Will they even let me train there? Is postgraduation even worth it? How about when they say that dentistry is itself a specialized field? Do I even want to do Dentistry? Do I want to work eight to ten hours a day pouring over people's mouth's in a 10' by 10' room? Do I even want to stay in Pakistan? But do I really want to give up everything here and go to some foreign land and start over? Do I even wanna get out of bed today?! 

It's been that kind of a day. 

I'm Watching Humans.


Hi. Let’s update all my non-existent readers to the goings-on in Sajeel’s life.

I have a big exam coming up on the 12th of August, which if I pass, will lead to a four year training program in some dentistry specialty at a good university hopefully, but then there are all the other programs with their own entrance exams that’re coming up after that and I still haven’t decided which is best for me, I’ll be going the long way of applying for them all.

Said exam has not been prepared well for as of this post, so temper runs high and spirits low.

I hate my roommate.

I miss my old roommate. He got cancer and has recently undergone chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant (he says it didn’t hurt much) and has lost all his hair and is currently focusing on growing it back.

I didn’t know what else to get the parents for their birthday so I got them both nice mugs from Haroons.

I changed my number because I’d had about enough of dropped signals and poor internet so I got Zong and Zong got me and it sounds funny but less annoying people can contact me now hah.

All Ramazan, I’ve had this messed up routine of staying awake too long when I should really be sleeping and then sleeping too long when I should really be studying.

Today, I was taking a picture for my instagram and I’d carefully balanced my book on my leg while doing so but I slid and went straight into this puddle. Yep. Hope it was worth it, said picture! https://instagram.com/p/5IegiLKMKQ/?taken-by=sajeelahmad

I got a packet of Haribo’s peaches for my birthday.

I don’t understand the Dawn of Justice trailer and Mr. Robot gave me a headache.

My laptop harddisk crashed and burned so I lost everything precious I had in the digital world and now my computer is empty. Empty, I tell you.

The assistant at the clinic showed me her cut wrists and her stash of Xanax and I told her she had a problem. She laughed and swallowed a couple anyway.

In a land
Created for the pure
You become a citizen
When you affirm
Some countrymen are
Infidels.
I signed it too
And killed
A part of me.

--Confession. By RR. Jan 14, 2015.

"Scaffolding"






Masons, when they start upon a building, 
Are careful to test out the scaffolding; 

Make sure that planks won't slip at busy points, 
Secure all ladders, tighten bolted joints. 

And yet all this comes down when the job's done 
Showing off walls of sure and solid stone. 

So if, my dear, there sometimes seems to be 
Old bridges breaking between you and me 

Never fear. We may let the scaffolds fall
Confident that we have built our wall.

Seamus Heaney
Hat tip: @anumsays

Jellybeans.

Z: When were you planning to tell me? SO MUCH JOY. Yay. =D Mubarakz, Doctor saab.

T: Dear God of all Heaven. I looked at the title of the email and then the first two lines you wrote. And my heart leapt to my throat. I thought I was getting married and didn't even know and that's what I was being congratulated for. Such disappoint, much sigh.

Me: THANK YOU, Z. :-D

Me: Iss ko to daikho Zara. Always the tone of complete cosmological excision! (I didn't do anything, prediction is a godsend sometimes)

T: I googled it.

Z: I googled it too. So confused right now.

T: He said autocorrect wrote it for him. I wonder what he was really writing.

Z: Yeh raaz, raaz hi reh jaayega.

T: Doctor saab khushi se pagal ho ke ghayab hogaye.

Z: He's busy replying to fan mails. I just saw one.

T: Oh, my God. HE'S FORGOTTEN US ALREADY.

Z: It's all about cosmological excision, T. :[

T: And we're not part of it. :[

Z: I think he is feeling shy.

T: We should let him bask in his newfound glory and place bets on how long (or short) it'll last. I say, give it 12 hours.

Z: I say 12.54

T: Done.

Me, 12 hours later: 12.54 has come and gone. I am a sad muffin.

Final Finals.

Always wanted to use this picture.

'Nuff Said.

Dreams from Last Night. (Eight days to the prof)

Scene 1

So, in the first dream we had to go to the surgery department and they’d ask a few questions or something and send our internal assessment. Only, when I get there the doctor in charge refuses to send mine because he says something’s missing. And then I tell my dad and he calls him and he turns out to be an old class mate and apparently everything’s fixed. Only when I turn up at the department the next day, he says they’ve already sent the assessment. -_____-

Scene 2

In this other dream, me and two friends I usually hang out with are staying at this hostel and it’s two nights before the Operative viva. And the place where the viva is going to happen is right across the hostel, with a large garden in between. So, I don’t know what we were thinking but we get it into our heads somehow that we’ll leave all the little books of Operative we have right outside the Boss’ office where the viva is going to happen so we can go through them right before the viva. So we go over the wall (or rather my two friends do, while I’m on the lookout) and when people see what we’ve been doing, everybody goes and hides their books somewhere outside the office. -.-

Anyway, we wake up the next day and one of the professors who’s chummy with the guys comes up and says you’re all done for, the Boss has found your books, but not all of them. And he’s sent them to the fair price shop outside the hostel. So we go there to see if our books have turned up too, but when we get there all the shop has is cards with the Joker’s face on them.

So we make a plan, we’ll create a distraction, we buy a ton of fireworks and in the middle of the night we head towards the garden with the wall that leads to the office, to go get our books before somebody finds them because they have our names on them and everything. And hey presto, who should we meet there but the Arrow! (Mysterious hero of Starling city, look him up)

Well, the Arrow says somebody’s been copying his arrows again so he wants to make new ones, Gold tipped ones, and he says oh cool you’re setting up fireworks, I’ll just melt my gold there. My friends then start going off in the opposite direction where there’s a high fence with rails and apparently they’ve been clever and hidden the books somewhere else! We put the crate carrying the fireworks under one of the rails and ignite them, and then one of them gets to work on the rails, sawing it in half or something so we can slide underneath. But then I discover that I can slip between the rails anyway (because I’m so thin -.-) and I go ahead while they saw away.

Cool schematics of the dream (yes, my paint skills need improvement)
When I go on for a while over the grounds, I come to a place like a University where all I can see is girls, and they all look at me weird, and point and giggle. And I’m like where are my books, where are my books, and I go up staircases and there are pictures of the Boss everywhere, and then I get stuck on a Penrose staircase too. Anyway, eventually I find a sign that says “Sajeel’s books hidden here” and I follow it and there my books are, and just then the others come up too and we all grab our books and run. Only, just as we make it to the corridor outside, we see the Boss coming out of a room with girls on both his arms, and we duck behind a pillar and wait for him to go before making a run for the fence.

And then I woke up. 


Must Start Studying. Must Start Studying.

So after the nerve-racking-absolutely-harrowing experience of submitting the quotas and praying fervently that you didn't get that little red flag next to your name, Sajeel decided to head home, which interestingly, involved a little adventure in which he nearly lost his beloved smart phone. Enroute to the bus stand, Sajeel had the fantabulous idea of trying out this new time lapse app that someone had used on Instagram, so he balanced the phone firmly on top of his knee as the rickshaw bearing him zipped through traffic. And then out of nowhere, two guys on a motorcycle that had been tailing said rickshaw for a while suddenly accelerate, and the guy sitting behind lunges for Sajeel's phone, and gets a good hold on it too! 

And then Sajeel whipped out his wand and shouted 'Expelliarmus!' and the guy was blasted off his feet. 'Nuff said.
---
Whenever I'm at the hostel, I think I'll go back home and sit and study in absolute peace and quiet. And then I come home and I'm like...
Me: Ami subha se sirf baraan safhay parhaay hain.
Mum: Haan tay puttar, it's not my fault. It's your own fault.
Jay: You forgot to add bloody.



That's me, during the days leading to the prof. since time immemorial. 
(image stolen off somebody's tumblr)
---
Final year subjects are all like the History of Magic, so even the thought of opening a book is enough to make you feel sleepy, which apparently is contagious too.
After we get back from Fajr, Kid heads straight for bed again.
Me: College nahi jaana aap nay?
Kid: Does this face look like it wants to go anywhere but sleep?!

Fifteen days to go, aaaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhh!

Operative Woes.

Subtle hints in the head of department's class lectures.



In other news, this dialogue finally makes sense.

DEB: What do we got? 
PEACH: Root canal, and by the looks of those x-rays it's not gonna be pretty. 
PATIENT: Owwwwwwwww! 
BLOAT: Rubber dam and clamp installed? 
PEACH: Yep. 
GURGLE What did he use to open? 
PEACH: Gates-Glidden drill. He seems to be favoring that one lately.  
DEB: I can't see, Flo. 
PATIENT: You're getting a little too--aaaaah!!! 
PEACH: Now he's doing the Schilder technique. 
BLOAT: Oooh, he's using a Hedstrom file. 
GURGLE: That's not a Hedstrom file. That's a K-Flex. 
BLOAT: It's got a teardrop cross-section. Clearly a Hedstrom. 
GURGLE: No, no. K-Flex. 
BLOAT: Hedstrom! 
GURGLE: K-Flex! 
BLOAT: Hedstro--! [inflates] There I go. A little help over here. 
DEB: I'll go deflate him. 
DENTIST: All right, go ahead and rinse. 
GURGLE: Ugh! The human mouth is a disgusting place.

My ship is sailing without a Captain.

And there is no guiding light in the night.

#thecaptainalwaysgoesdownwiththeship
Muharram holidays. Empty hostel. Peace and quiet. The absence of man made sounds. Of people and their entropy. Clarity. Nothingness. Good food. Hot water. 72 hours to bond with Operative. Four days of death.

You are not alone.

Nasty November.

We need signatures.
More than a hundred of them.
And there's no one there to do them.
And Operative is making me soocidal.

Quotas submission progress: 2/6
Quotas ready to be submitted: 0/4
Quotas nearly ready to be submitted: 1/4

Speaking of signatures. Meet Kurt Vonnegut’s.



We need a bloody miracle.